My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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