sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
