Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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