do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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