can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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