he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize