John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have post one night stand depression
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
