I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize