'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
