READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
