M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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