for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
