i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need to calm my uterus...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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