Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize