Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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