I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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