I'm lost and stupid without you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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