My liver just broke up with me...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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