My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
