Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
