Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
