We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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