Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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