The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
