Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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