just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
