everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
