I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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