i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
