Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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