Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
