you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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