Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
