OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
