things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
