WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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