Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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