I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
