Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
