I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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