Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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