first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
