it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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