i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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