Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
