Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
