do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
