We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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