Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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