I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize