If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
