I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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