her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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