So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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