You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
