the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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