Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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