i think my tv is drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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