You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize