Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
