And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
