I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
