you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
