My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
