Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
