I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
