just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
