6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
