Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
