we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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