haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
