Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
