I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
