Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
