I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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