I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
