Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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