I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
