I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
