carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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