i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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