I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize